As with many things relating to the politics of the personal, I think the different elements of the marriage question can be divided into three categories.
1. Those things that you personally and genuinely value.
2. Those things that your socialised self values.
3. Those things that you don’t value, but that other people think you should value and try to manipulate you into doing.
Differentiating between the first and second isn’t easy. We’re all social beings, and it can be hard to tell the difference between what you really care about, and what you care about because you’ve been successfully brainwashed. Sometimes you’ll mistake the first for the second, and sometimes the second will hit you in such a deepfelt emotional way that you will mistake it for the first.
This is such good advice from Rachel Hills. I am going to think about this a lot.